David
“Transitioning is a bit different for non-binary people, because there really isn't any one way that a non-binary person looks, and that's why I like it so much.”
My name is David Clare Neilson, my pronouns are they/them and I'm 40 years old. I was very much a gender non-conforming child, but I wasn't able to describe myself as Non-Binary until my late-30s, the language just wasn't there.
For me personally, there are physical parts that I'm taking steps to change and parts I'm not. It's not as simple as going "from one gender to the other", nor is it "stopping in-between." It's attempting some sort of space that's outside of the current Western binary genders, and finding different ways of visual expression. I take aspects of both masculinity and femininity to present to the world something different from what it expects.
I never thought I'd make it to the gym regularly, I thought that it was beyond me, because of a lot of social pressure. To someone who experiences gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia in general, the gym can be really intimidating - it can feel like there are mirrors everywhere to remind you of your faults, other people around to wordlessly judge you or possibly mis-gender you, and those thoughts and feelings can be overwhelming.
I knew that my actual barriers to joining a gym were a mental block; going to the gym on my own initiative wasn't working and I was put in contact with Rae. I was so grateful! All the worry and anxiety was put at ease in our first meeting and she showed me around the facilities. You get to see other people use the gym and find that there isn't just one body type/age/gender - there are people recovering from injury, people getting stronger, just... other people! As a person rather than a man or a woman, that's so important to me.
We did weekly sessions for about 6 months and it helped that I was very clear about my goals, and that’s because a big part of the change I desire is developing more defined muscles. There are more and more people sharing body positive selfies, to fight transphobia and fatphobia, and now I have seen strong people my height and body type, I have a very clear idea of what I want to look like and that it is actually achievable.
Having Rae at my side while I work out, whether I’m doing bicep curls, or absolutely smashing it on the leg press is such a motivator to push myself in a very specific way. If ever a piece of equipment is uncomfortable for me to use, usually anything that involves pressure on the chest, Rae doesn't make a fuss and finds another way to do the movement. Even after a session is over I’m rarely out of breath and am still capable of cycling back home, which is important to me. I didn’t realise that you don't need to resign yourself to exhausting cardio work outs if you don't want to!
Now that I am a member of the gym, and often train by myself, there is still that voice telling me that I can do it. I can get through the last couple of difficult reps. That's how motivational Rae can be, it stays with me, and let me tell you a very infectious enthusiasm for my personal growth is priceless! I now have monthly sessions with Rae and these are really fun to show off what I can do, and I certainly wouldn't be capable of progressing without someone to keep me on track.
I cannot imagine any one else as my coach!